Security Issues part 2

After asking around down at the Fargott arms i have today appointed a new member of staff. Shrekton Newhall will now be head of security. It was an obvious choice as soon as i saw those ears i knew in my heart that he could hear a fart from 1000 yds. His green colour will make him the obvious choice as he can easily blend in with the foliage around the manor. His huge size will guarantee to scare off any unwelcome visitors. I have set him on as a trial with the promise of a permanent job some time in the near future.

Bargaining was hard, it took place in my usual booth at the Fargott. Over 6 pints of plum and duck turd gargle juice, 4 slurpysloppy pies and 2 long toms we struck a deal and the contract of employment was set. Shrekton will move out from his lodgings with Mrs Bunghole the peat gatherer and move into the tower loft at Dodgy manor. Along with his board and lodgings for him and his donkey, he will receive a uniform allowance and a band 6 pay scale of 1 ticket for the Rex (Saturday matinee) 4 truffles and a 3 pint bar tab at the Fargott. And for every person he apprehends a bonus pint. I refused the offer to employ his right hand man Blake Rovin, he is a professional skier and as i have no use for a skier at the moment i thought it would be a waste of resources. Although should i ever fancy a slide down the slippery slopes of life i would probably call upon his services to make sure i got the friction settings correct on my yoddle oddle skis

Security Issues

We had the security meeting today, what a farse, bloody Gleeson suggested we buy a dragon to guard the manor. Eysore suggested vampire bats and Norbutt is still harping on about a firewall.

Anyway i have been working in the lab and produced the "Cloutem and Drownem Cam" a little contraption i have put together. When the cam detects an intruder a large hickory shaft shoots out and prods the intruder on the pressure point behind the right ear rendering them stunned. Then a large jet of Alnewtricias gooosegog custurd squirts them in the face and dye's thier face green for 2 weeks. I thought this was a brilliant invention until we tested it on Chewy. Chewy crept through the east gate under cover of darkness slipped on a truffle dropped by Eysore, dropped his candle setting fire to his shirt tales. He streaked accross the bowling green like haleys comet straight into the path of the "Cloutem and Drownem Cam" The Hickory shot out clonked him on the forehead knocking him into Eysore who we had sent out looking for Chewy. Then the Goosegog custard drowned the pair of them dyeing them both lime green. Not a good first test. Alnewtricia was extremley unhappy that we had used all the goosegog custard Chewy and Eysore were not happy that they would both look like martians for 2 weeks.

So it was decided that we would get old ma spinny in the village to knock up some martian suits for Chewy and Eysore, and for the next two weeks they could work nights scaring off any intruders that might wander onto the grounds. This would give us more time to think about security around Dodgy manor

Blog

Nordbutt has just caught a spy. Yes a spy at dodgy manor. the guy was disguised as a pidgeon and sat on the roof of number 4 stable. We thought it was strange to see a pidgeon with a pair of binoculars and a flask. So we sent Nordbutt out with a large net and caught the feathered fella and de-feathered him immediatly. It turns out that it was gavin the guy that works at the local paper. He said that he was bird watching but after Nordbutt put him in the Popoda chair and threw lettuces at him, he finally admitted that he was spying on us. He says he was trying to get to know where Eysore gets his truffles from so he could run a story in the local rag. We all believe he was really after a picture of the new gargle giggle gadgett. Fortunatley for us we caught him so the machine is safe. So we emptied his flask and sent him on his way.

There will be a meeting tommorow in the great hall about security at Dodgy manor. I will report the findings there after. we take security very seriously. Nordbutt suggested we get one of those firewall things that he has heard so much about. The gas bill at dodgy is too high allready and i dont fancy warming the whole valley by putting a firewall all around the estate.

22/05/06

A terrible month has passed. Chewy has dissapeared into the chocolava vortex machine, we have heard he has resurfaced somewhere within the grounds of Dodgy manor but as yet there is no sign of him. Although Eysore has found a shoe and a ripped packet of Rizlas near the wishes and splashes well.
The Dr has just finished the hopscotch tickleyerwiggle machine much to the amusement of Nordbutt who has spent most of last week testing it. The Email address should go live at some point this week if it stops raining as it is playing ruddy havoc with Nordbutts dicky wrist. (floppyhandyitis)

20/4/06

Nordbutt has returned, well i have seen the gigglewick toffee wrappers around the lab so i presume he is with us. Eysore has been digging around the Dodgy woods for truffles. Chewy has a broken nose due to a spat rolling around the garden with Gleeson over who should refill the ink pots. Alnewtricia has been suprising us with all sorts of wierd creations in the kitchen my personal favorite being the " Spudunotlika pie" with button dried magic mushrooms. it was a marvelous meal, my how we laughed.

13/04/06

When Nordbutt ( the slightly detached) returns from his self discovery mission and forgets the strange relationship he has with the jerky squeezy popoda chair we will endeavor to get the blog back up and running

The Dr Blogs

Nordbutt are you sure this new blog machine works?