Finally !! after nearly a year Shrekton has remembered where he put the key for the Dodgy manor safe. after a year of not being able to post the safe was opened and my password book was recovered. They key had been stored on a shelf in the dodgy Manor septic tank, a place Shrekton likes to frequent. He only remembered where it was after he was desperate to recover some cheese he had stored in there to mature. So i will be back to blogging again1 i have a years worth of stories

After a night at the Fargotts we decided it was time to get involved with video production! We are in the process of adding a media studio to the lab. Well we have converted the old outside toilet, much to Shrektons displeasure as he likes to practice his "hanging around toilets" hobby there. We thought it was about time we added our contribution to the youtube phenomena adding a much needed northern tilt.
Nordbutt is very excited about being a video star/artistic director/title director/story board director/ any director, he has even made his own clapper board. He has got the hang off it after three trips to casualty with broken fingers. I have had to have a word in his shell as the first video he wanted to do was the Numa Numa thing dressed in his flat cap and moleskins along with his co-star "Larry the whippet" I told him Larry had a future in films but I wasn't going to stand by and watch him sing Numa Numa its just cruel, with the state of his throat after chasing and shouting at all those rabbits over the years.
When we have sussed out how to put videos on our website we will post them up for watching/downloading

Website Update

Website update, Contact form is now live and we are commissioning again. We decided to use a feedback form this time to cut down on Nordbutt reading spam mails, it wasn't good for him. He's bought medications, rolex's and some sort of weird pump thing that doesn't look like it is for a bicycle. Although the Nigerian gold mine shares look ok :) Dodgy manor net connection is still playing up a little but it is better than it was. I am putting the finishing touches to the new phifimoe form to send out to clients.

I am looking forward to the new challenges and widening our circle of friends. I am going to start keeping more upto date with the blog as I have been getting snails er mails from friends who like to keep upto date on what's happening at Dodgy. I will also be allowing some of the others to make posts so be prepared for some mad rantings. The upgrades at Dodgy are all but finished and my creative senses are running at 101% I bought Eysore some new drain rods yesterday and he was made up. He is climbing down the dodgy rodding eye as I write this.

Codvalves Back

Well the Doctor is back online. After a major problem with the internet connection. It all started when i upgraded to adsl-lax from brutish telecoms. No net connection and impossible to search webpages etc. My how i was annoyed. Nordbutt was livid as he couldn't contact his great auntie stuffbutt in Florida. After many hours on the phone to tech support in India a nice man called Fred (?) decided to escalate it and i got an engineer out to Dodgy Manor. This Engineer was the nicest most helpfull fella an absolute opposite to Fred, Sam, Dave and Susan that i had dealt with in India. He tested the line it was fine, then he went to the exchange in the village, the one next to the fargott arms and changed me onto another card. Job Done. I had already been down graded to my original adsl speed but still the problems existed. But thanks to the engineer we are back!

All this trouble has seriously damaged my creative ability and i have found myself playing shuggle sticks all day with Nordbutt, Shrekton Newhall and Eyesore. Shrekton likes to cheat he uses willow sticks painted a little darker to make them look like the original licorice sticks. The willow is lighter and more straighter and when inserted into the Cockleworth holder you can get it to spin faster.

Anyways just a quick update as there have been some rumours going around that i have been lost in Dodgy woods for a couple of months.

Fish and homing chickens

Nordbutt has returned from his fishing trip. He spent 3 days down at Dodgy lake and caught nothing! my he was beside himself, totally inconsolable. Luckily for him i caught him first before he saw anyone else. So i suggested we go down the lab and i would make him a special fish. A fish he could have his picture taken with and show round down at the fargott arms.

Well after a couple of hours we produced the "Fishytalefish" it has a special length key so that, according to the tale you are telling, you can increase the size upto whooper size. and a magical wiggle key that you can wind whilst being videod to give that just caught look.


Well Nordbutt was beside himself with joy. After i took a few choice snaps on the camera he put on his fishy necklace specially made by Alnewtricia and set off down the Fargotts to tell the tale. It was an instant success, i was watching from my usual booth and Nordbutt had a little crowd around him. The long toms and gargle juice were flowing freely.

However i was less than happy with Shrekton Newall, Shrekton was down the Fargots spending his bar tab. My he was in a right state. He kept calling out "Fetch me more of that cheeky vimto wench" and "does tha nos who i am? tha dos tha know" Slippy shiela behind the bar was getting very angry with him and asked him to leave. Well Shrekton refused to leave untill his friend Blake came to take him home incase he got lost on the way. Well i knew that Blake was off skiing with crompto parkett, so i devised a plan....

I ordered two cheeky vimtos and a cooked chicken i then slipped a cap full of Alnewtricias magicomushroomio foot rub into each cheeky vimto. I called Shrekton over to my booth and told him he must calm down (He's a big chap) and i offered him the cheeky vimtos as a sweetner. Well Shrekton took this as some kind of victory and downed both vimtos quick sharp. As i waited for the drinks to kick in i went to get the cooked chicken. when i returned to the booth i informed shrekton that i had a special mission should he choose to take it. He was very excited at this prospect. I gave him the cooked chicken and told him it was Horace the homing chicken, but as he had had a little to much spud punch he had fallen and lost some of his feathers. Shrekton was very sad about this and promptly started to stroke "Horace" lovingly telling him it would be ok in the morning. I told Shrekton that his mission was to take Horace into Dodgy woods and to build him a nest so that his feathers could grow back and then he could fly home. I told him that Horace was a mute homing chicken and had lost his voice in a fight with cock. This made Shrekton even more loving towards horace.

So off Shrekton and Horace went into the night....that was 2 days ago!

Security Issues part 2

After asking around down at the Fargott arms i have today appointed a new member of staff. Shrekton Newhall will now be head of security. It was an obvious choice as soon as i saw those ears i knew in my heart that he could hear a fart from 1000 yds. His green colour will make him the obvious choice as he can easily blend in with the foliage around the manor. His huge size will guarantee to scare off any unwelcome visitors. I have set him on as a trial with the promise of a permanent job some time in the near future.

Bargaining was hard, it took place in my usual booth at the Fargott. Over 6 pints of plum and duck turd gargle juice, 4 slurpysloppy pies and 2 long toms we struck a deal and the contract of employment was set. Shrekton will move out from his lodgings with Mrs Bunghole the peat gatherer and move into the tower loft at Dodgy manor. Along with his board and lodgings for him and his donkey, he will receive a uniform allowance and a band 6 pay scale of 1 ticket for the Rex (Saturday matinee) 4 truffles and a 3 pint bar tab at the Fargott. And for every person he apprehends a bonus pint. I refused the offer to employ his right hand man Blake Rovin, he is a professional skier and as i have no use for a skier at the moment i thought it would be a waste of resources. Although should i ever fancy a slide down the slippery slopes of life i would probably call upon his services to make sure i got the friction settings correct on my yoddle oddle skis

Security Issues

We had the security meeting today, what a farse, bloody Gleeson suggested we buy a dragon to guard the manor. Eysore suggested vampire bats and Norbutt is still harping on about a firewall.

Anyway i have been working in the lab and produced the "Cloutem and Drownem Cam" a little contraption i have put together. When the cam detects an intruder a large hickory shaft shoots out and prods the intruder on the pressure point behind the right ear rendering them stunned. Then a large jet of Alnewtricias gooosegog custurd squirts them in the face and dye's thier face green for 2 weeks. I thought this was a brilliant invention until we tested it on Chewy. Chewy crept through the east gate under cover of darkness slipped on a truffle dropped by Eysore, dropped his candle setting fire to his shirt tales. He streaked accross the bowling green like haleys comet straight into the path of the "Cloutem and Drownem Cam" The Hickory shot out clonked him on the forehead knocking him into Eysore who we had sent out looking for Chewy. Then the Goosegog custard drowned the pair of them dyeing them both lime green. Not a good first test. Alnewtricia was extremley unhappy that we had used all the goosegog custard Chewy and Eysore were not happy that they would both look like martians for 2 weeks.

So it was decided that we would get old ma spinny in the village to knock up some martian suits for Chewy and Eysore, and for the next two weeks they could work nights scaring off any intruders that might wander onto the grounds. This would give us more time to think about security around Dodgy manor